I lived my life for a while, asking for signs to believe in.

God played defence in my trail, quietly hanging there bleeding.

While I cast lots for His robe, while I point my finger

He pays the debts that I owe, He says; “Father forgive them”.

I used to ask for a sign to believe in,

But He never gave me a reason to ever doubt Him.

Give me one reason to doubt He is Messiah,

Give me one reason to doubt He is alive.

Give me one reason to doubt I am the apple of His eye.

I see the faith of our fathers; Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

They never saw what was promised, but they never once felt forsaken.

Through fire, famine and sword, tribulation and war,

They never asked for signs to believe in.

So tell me how we stand in judgement and ever doubt Him.

(Jason Upton, cd: faith)

Last week we went to Soul Survivor with our youth group. There were seminars and meetings with amazing worship and teaching all kind of subjects.  I just stand in comlete awe when I see Him touch all those young people. He is so much bigger than we can ever imagine, and we don'n have to do anything to belong to Him. We can just be. JUST BE! He desires to be intimate with us, instead of having us run from one place to the other to do all these things. This can be quite a tricky thing for a person who likes to be busy and finds it hard to sit still, like me. God never stops teaching us new things I suppose!

Ever heard of Jason Upton? He has a worship band, and played at Soul Survivor aswel. I was really touched by his music. Have a look at his site, you can download music (for free!)

A month and a coulpe up's and down's later... Januari has been crazy! I haven't been working much, about one day a week at the one place, and 6 hours a week for the other. Not working much a bit scary really, as I just moved out, and have to pay all those nice bills! It was easier living at Holmsted, I must say! Not as many things to worry about. God is teaching me to keep trusting Him for finances, friends, everything. Why was it easier to trust whilst in missions, than now, having a 'normal' job?

We had a teaching on Sonship last Sunday. I found it very interesting, about being a son or daughter of God, and what that really means. We don't have to do anything to inherit all the good things, just b/c we're Hi children. When we were orphans, that didn't know God as a Father, we might have thougth we had to fight for it. But we can just receive, and be in His presence without having 'to win' a place in Gods heart. We're His children, no longer orphans without a home! So we can come to Him to fill up emptiness, instead of goig to other places, trying to find happiness. Just ask the Father to supply your needs. We can, because we're His! Maybe it sounds a bit funny, me writing this afther being a christian for so many years. But sometimes you know something with your mind, it just hasn't arrived in you heart yet. Now it has!

Got the key of my new house on the 17th! It has been a busy time since then, cleaning, choosing colours, painting, and going to work. My parents are putting a lot of time in it aswel, which is a huge help! It's 2nd Christmas day (One day isn't enough for us Dutch people;) A day of doing absolutely nothing! I loved it! Yesterday I had my parents over for dinner. We're not completly finished decorating the house, but this didn't stop us from celebrating Christmas. We had a nice time together.

How did you all spent your Christmas. I can imagine every country and culture has their own way of celebrating...